Don’t Even Think of Parking Here!

Parking is at a real serious premium in this stretch of Queens where I am working now. It’s only two stops out of Manhattan, but the neighborhood relies on real life commerce, not pedestrian traffic and strollers. You see one loading dock after another, with vans, trucks, piles of pallets, boxes, skids. You cannot park here because when you do, nobody can take deliveries or load up trucks and vans. Commerce stalls, the economy suffers, the loading dock guys all take cigarette breaks, and time is money – get it?

So, this is a view of how the words, “No Parking” are communicated such that no parking is the take-home, no parking is the end result. I paint the sign and all you have to do is not park in front of it, get it? Nah, not so simple.

This is particularly wonderful. Just sound it out, take a stab at it. Don’t stop to look it up or see what everyone else has on their door. And it works nearly every day. It says, “Drywey,” and most days, nobody parks there.

Or this:

And no, you just can’t make this up. It really says, “ANITIME.” And it’s new. That’s fresh paint. It went up yesterday. I wondered if maybe it was addressing a French chanteuse named Anitime and she alone was admonished not to park here. Hey, it could happen!

Except it doesn’t work.

That first shot was a close up. The sign – as clearly spelled out as it is – doesn’t work. What a colossal bummer.

They must have used a whole spray can to get this much verbiage on two doors. And yes – they spell it wrong twice. The photo would lead you to believe the “active driveway” addition to Sign Number Two actually had some effect, but cars park here too.

Here’s the thing: nothing gets past these guys. They really get how to do this. They get that everyone has signs posted so nobody parks in their spot. But once these guys open for business, and open is the operative here, you can’t read the signs no matter what they say. When this business is in business, both doors are open and then cars park there. They did write “No Parking” on the sidwalk too, just in case you are walking by and wonder if this is a good place to park your car.

So where is the one spot with the best luck NOT having cars park in their loading zone? This guy got graffitied a while back and decided to give it up and nobody parks here.